


The Murder Boosh

by Darknessdeville



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Dark, Evil, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Murder, Not Happy, Psychopaths In Love, Serial Killers, evil howard moon, i am a garbage person, poor vince
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2020-05-20 11:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19376131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darknessdeville/pseuds/Darknessdeville
Summary: What if the hopeless jazz maverick was in truth a sadistic serial killer? But even a serial killer can be in love





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DARK DARK DARK! Howard is NOT nice! Blood and murder. Turn back now.

He hadn't felt this high, this elated, in months. It was a feeling better than sex. He needed this release. His urge, no, his need, had been eating away at him for too long and he feared he would act on his hidden desire.

But in lieu of caving to his hearts true thirst, he found himself in a dark alley, the bloody and cooling corpse of some handsome youth lying at his feet. He almost came again at the sight of it all.

His neck was slashed open and blood was collecting in his black hair. His grey eyes were wide in fear. Shame they were the wrong color he mused to himself.  Still, Howard enjoyed the terror and pain in them as life had slowly left them.

  
He had gone out with one goal in mind: Kill. He had too soon, or he feared temptation would take him.

  
He lured the young male into the alley. Poor boy was selling himself to any buyer. Shame.

  
The trendy wanker named his price and Howard put him up against the wall. He slid the condom on with ease and brutally forced himself inside. He began thrusting violently, the man's face up against the wall, barely able to take it.

  
"Oi you bein.." "Shut it!" Howard hissed rather menacingly, not breaking stride as he pounded into the lithe body, and the boy complied just hoping it would end soon. And oh how it would.

  
He was nearing the end game, pleasure building, but just out of reach. He needed more. He needed something else, or someone.

"Vince.." he whispered, closing his eyes. "God Vince"

"I ain't..Vi..Vince.." came the voice of his prey.

Closer. Getting closer.

He drew a knife from his pocket and switched it open.

"No..you're not" and he quickly reached around to the front of his neck and slashed across. He continued thrusting to the gurgling of the blood, that heavenly tune sent him over the edge.

The man slide down against the wall and to the grimy alley street while Howard tucked himself away, brushing his hair out of his face.

  
While having enjoyed the fuck, and of course, the kill, Howard still found himself not completely satisfied. He never was. Not since he met Vince. Vince was perfect. Inside and out. He was everything Howard wanted. Needed. The perfect body and drive a knife into and watch bleed out. How he longed to feel his friend writhe beneath him as he forced himself inside him. Took him. Made him feel pleasures unknown...as well as pain. Feel the warmth of his blood as he put a knife through his stomach. He might fuck that hole too.

  
However, there was one thing standing in the way of satisfying his need. His greatest kill. He loved Vince. He didn't think he could go on if he killed him. He was his best mate, and unknown to the electro ponce, Howard loved him madly. He didn't even know he was capable of such a human emotion, not after years of abuse and ultimately, killing.

  
This is why Howard found himself in dark alleys, or abandoned houses, standing over the corpses of less worthy victims. He had to find his cheap imitations of Vince to keep his fantasy from becoming reality.

  
He straightened his jacket and took his money back before leaving the alley to head back to the flat. He needed to be there when Vince woke up from his strawberry bootlace coma as to avoid questions of his late night rendezvous.

  
God if Vince ever found out what Howard really was, a heartless serial killer, he would never forgive him. He would fear Howard. Run away and leave him. He couldn't let that happen. He would never let Vince go. No matter what.


	2. The Next Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this in JUNE! FINALLY CHAPTER TWO!  
> be kind, I am a poor writer!

Howard ascended the stairs to the flat and found Vince still asleep on the sofa with packets of candy laying about the floor. Howard could not help but approach the electro and admire his sleeping form. From his raven hair half way covering his face, to his alabastor skin that was currently on display on his stomach. The darks hairs leading into his sparkly trousers were beyond tantalizing. Howard audibly gulped as he looked upon Vince, dreaming of what it would be like to taste the flesh of his stomach, trail his tongue down his navel and take him into his mouth. He looked so delicious, beautiful, and helpless, that he could not help but reach out and gently stroke his pale cheek. Vince was in a deep sleep, especially after a sugar crash, that Howard did not expect when he mumbled in his sleep. "m'Oward" the faintest of smiles crossed his lips as he rolled over in his sleep. Did you know he was there, or more appealing, was he dreaming of him? Howard pondered as he removed his hand. He had to shake those thoughts from his mind. For now the man man lyng dead in an alley would have to do until the day came he could have Vince in all the dark and wondrous ways he so longed for. He placed a small throw over Vince and made his way down the hall, catching the smell of "herbs" from Naboo and Bollos closed room.

  
The next morning was like any other day at the Nabootique; empty, except for Vince who sat reading Cheekbone in his barber chair and Howard who was finishing the stock list.

  
"Oward?" He heard Vince said from accross the room. 

  
"Hmm?" came the reply

  
"You think I should get highlights? Red ones obviously. Black and red combo?" He gestured to both sides of hiss teased hair. "Can you imagine? Cheekbone says highlights are coming back" He said as though this was a grand revelation to society.

  
"Vince, a man doesn't base his appearance on the whims of magazines. Check out what I got going on" He turned to face Vince who still sat in his chair smiling

  
"A simple comb of the hair in the morning, and a startling array of soft beiges" he guestered to his floral print shirt and moved to his legs

  
"a timeless look for a modern gentleman. Yes sir, there is a simple truth to what is going on here" He finished proudly as Vince just shook his head

  
"You look like a beige rug from the 1970s" Vince came back as he picked u his magazine again.

  
"You'll see Vince. Timeless Howard Moon will be in fashion when your magazines run out of looks"

"Yeah wotever" Vince replied half paying attention as now his phone was ringing from his pocket. 

  
Howard just turned back to his apparent stocktaking, but actually quite gazing into the makeup mirror that conveniently displayed his friends reflection from his chair as he answered his mobile

  
"Awright Leroy?" He said back to his excited tone

  
"Oi Vince, you see the papers?" Came Leroys voice from the other end

  
"I've seen construction papers" he said as though that was the actual reply

  
"No you tit, the news paper this morning. Another one of ours found by The Velvet Onion. Remember last month it was that one bloke..um.what was his name? He did his hair like you..Travis was it?"

"Leroy you know I don't understand the words on papers, I have to have Howard explain all that or I end up lost in the used car section." Vince replied carelessly as he twirled some hair between his fingers

  
"Right well I would think Howard would warn you bout something like this. They were both common in the club, not mention, fancied your look." Leroy replied

  
"He was probably too busy dreamin bout jazz or pencil cases so some other well awful nonsense.."

  
Howard was now listening intently. What was this all about he wondered

  
"I'm just sayin be careful out and about is all. Maybe we put off going to the club for a bit yeah?" Leroy was always a voice of reason despite his association with the trendys like Vince

  
"What?!" Vince said as though being told not to go out was the bad news of the whole conversation. Howard turned now to see him rise from his chair

  
"Get stuffed. The Silk Radish is opening this weekend! If I'm not there I might s'well go live in the woods as a begger woman!" Why even is voiced went up an octave Howard noticed

  
"Awright easy mate. I'm just looking out for the Camden elite is all" Leroy defended

  
"S'alright, they know better than to come at me and my hair. I'll come at them like a cockney bitch. Be genius. Anyway, cheer Leroy" and he ended the call.

  
Howard cleared his throat

  
"Leroy alright?" he asked casually

  
"He's on about papers and not going out. Can you imagine? Stayin in when Cheekbone is going to be at The Silk Radish this weekend? Unbelievable" he shook his head with hand on his hips. Oh Howard tried not to stare at those luscious hips in the tight jump suit

  
"What did the paper say exactly?" Howard asked as nonchalantly as he could

  
"Someone found killed or something. Apparently a trendy Jack the Ripper. I don't know." He again shook it off as though this was just a casual conversation at tea

  
Howard could have given himself a chinese burn. Leroy. He did not need Leroy putting ideas in Vince's head. His Vinces head. 

  
"Sure it's nothing to worry about Little Man. Leroy is just overreacting" He said and Vince gave a shy smile as Howard was now turned to face him, standing closer than Howard had realized. It was almost..flirtatious a smile Howard thought as Vince dropped his gaze to his feet.

  
"Nothing for you to worry about" came the lisping voice of Naboo who had appeared at the bottom of the stairs with Bollo trailing behind.

  
"Only trendy people. Not ballbag like Harold" Bollo said.

  
"I think Leroy is right. Bad juju afoot Vince. I'd be careful." Naboo added as they made their way to the door. 

  
"Look my uncle may be a french duke, but I can be a cockney raggamuffin when I need too" Vince retorted but fell to deaf hears as his one hip out stance did nothing to prove street ways.

  
"Bollo and I headed the the shaman convention. Be back in a few days. Howard, don't burn the shop down yeah?" Naboo said halfway out the door

  
"Not something to worry about. I read the Fire Safety and.." Howard was cut off by the door shutting as the shaman and his familiar left

  
Vince could not help but snicker as he leaned over the counter onto his elbows, but Howard appeared less then amused. But that was the thing to Howard, it was all appearance. To appear to be the bumbling and sad idiot. He relied on this. Especially when he was reminded of what he had to lose, he mused, as his eyes traveled over the leaned over body next to him. It took great control to not tear through the fabric of the tight suit and ravage Vince there on the counter. 

  
"Oi shrimp eyes" Vince broke Howard from his reverie and he quickly turned away as the electro was looking at him over one shoulder

  
"you in a jazz trance?" He asked

  
"No little man just making mental notes. Yes sir, much stocktaking to do.." Howard said the thing he could think to repulse Vince from further inquiry

  
"Didn't you already do the stock taking?" Vince question standing up

  
"Yes well..that was alphabetical, now we do it chronologically."

  
"I don't even know wot that means but I can feel myself going red so I'll be upstairs for a bit, yeah?" He walked past Howard and made his way up the stairs, leaving Howard to relax at the counter. He felt so tense and already craving for another release. He was finding it harder to stay satisfied for long after a kill when he had his muse flauntering about in tight suits, teasing him. God he wanted him. He knew he would need to find another substitute soon. Or else.


	3. How you tease me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly getting somewhere..I think

The day wore on into the next. Vince mindlessly carried on about clubs and outfits while spending much of the time on the phone with Leroy, convincing him that he was, in fact, a cockney bitch. It seemed Leroy had relented on his worries and they would go out to whatever club was catering to the fashionable this week. Howard was having growing concerns over Vince being made aware of the events. He did not appreciate Leroy bringing up his "hobbies". He preferred Vince to remain a beach ball and mindless to the recent murders of his would be shallow mates.

   
The upside is Howard would have the flat to himself. He spent every moment with his best mate which was only a constant struggle to maintain his image of a clumsy idiot who did not rape and murder for laughs. The downside was the fashion show. Every time Vince was going somewhere new or special he would make Howard sit while he modeled various outfits to see which was more "genius". He could care less about fashion but he did love seeing Vince model just for him. It was an intimate and unspoken trust they shared for Vince to let Howard see all him without the glamour and to ask his opinion, regardless of the fact that Howard had the worst taste in all of England. Still he always went to Howard to see which outfit was best and always went with the one Howard showed the slightest interest in. As much as the northerner adored this admiration from the electro, it was maddening to see Vince in all his beautiful colors, pulling shapes and faces just for him. Teasing him. Dangling himself in front of Howard while he would fight his urge to put Vince on his knees and fuck his mouth til his cheeks were black from the running mascara.

   
The evening came and like usual, Vince pranced around in each outfit after emerging from the changing screen. From the gold pants to pink boa, each outfit was exceptional to Howard. Vince could wear a paper bag and look delicious, although, Howard rather him naked and begging before him.   
"Wot bout this? Bit toned down?" He asked, arms out stretched as he did a turn in black drain pipes and a green flowing blouse. Howard feigned annoyance and crossed his arms. 

  
"Bit like a pirate don't you think?' He asked

  
"Yea..pirate is out this month" he dropped his smile and moved back to the screen.

  
Oh what he wanted to do...

  
Vince emerged again this time in tight white drainpipes that hugged in all the right places, and rode low on his fuckable hips. His black top was equally tight, with silver glittery stars.

  
Howard had clearly picked his favorite outfit. Everything was accentuated from his tight calves to his firm bum. He must have seen the glimmer in Howards eye that he was unable to hide and grew a big smile

  
"This one yeah?" He asked twirling for the jazz maverick.

  
Just a taste..just a taste of that sweet flesh..Howard stood silent, unaware he was staring and had not spoken as Vince finished his strut and stared now at Howard.

  
"Genius innit? I fought two girls at Top Shop to get this shirt. Last one!"

  
Howard tried to break his gaze but his hunger was getting the best of him. He wanted to rip the clothes from his body, taste his creamy skin as sliced open the flesh

  
"Yes..its uh..very.." He was becoming lost for words. His thoughts cloudy with desire and need, a need to have Vince beneath him in exquisite pleasure or horrific pain.

  
"Awright shrimp eyes?" Vince asked, walking closer to Howard who awkwardly stood in place, unsure what he would do next. Afraid of what he would do next. Why did Vince have to come closer? Why did he have to put on shows for him? Fuck it was becoming too much for him as he gulped

  
Vince's smile became a shy one as he looked down. So close to Howard that his hand grazed the northerners but did not shy away after contact. Vince seemed to blush at the sensation

  
"O'ward..I could um.." he started still looking away from his friend.

   
Fuck fuck fuck Howard thought with his remaining rational thought. It was Vince. He couldn't hurt Vince. He loved Vince. But...but he was so close. He could smell the hair products, the lotions, all the wonderful smells of Vince. Feminine yet still a hint of man. It was overpowering him. All his thoughts were turning dark. The same thoughts and feelings he had when he lured his prey into the dark and did such wonderfully horrific things. Things he only dreamed of doing to his love. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Why Vince! he screamed internally

  
"I could stay in ya know..with you.." Vince said in such an innocent tone as he finally looked up at Howard through his fringe. Hand still grazing Howards with such hope and sparkle and his blue eyes. 

  
"Vince..you..you.." He tried to search for words other than 'stay and get on all four so I can fuck you senseless'. It was too much. Too much. He had to get Vince away.

  
Vince only moved closer

  
"I wouldn't mind..Oward..we.."

  
He was going to do it if Vince did not leave. He was going to bloody knife him like all the other androgynous trendys and fuck his corpse til it was cold. Vince needed to leave.

  
"Don't touch me!" He spoke up loudly as he pulled his hand back. 

  
The hopeful and happy look in Vinces eyes was immediately extinguished and replaced with confusion and disappointment

  
"Howard I.." Vince started

  
"I don't need you staying here and complaining about jazz music and ruining my night. No sir" Howard cut him off, walking to the other side of the room.  
 "Probably only doing it as a joke or pity or some other nonsense."

  
"I weren't going to mess up your night or some joke Oward! I just thought we could.." Vince tried to argue with hurt in his voice

  
"Well you thought wrong Vince! No go out!" Howard said coldly and quickly. He could see the hurt in Vinces eyes and the beginnings of tears. Fuck. He hated hurting his Vince like this.

  
"You are a real tosser Howard!" Vince fired back, blinking his tears away as he grabbed his coat and slammed the door behind him.

  
Bloody Brian Christ he yelled as he kicked the side of the bed.

  
Vince left him no choice but to hurt his feelings. If Vice only knew why he had to. If only hadn't teased him.Strutting around in his tights clothes, flaunting himself, just begging for it. Vince deserved it..no..he couldn't. Fuck! he needed relief. Vince had no idea the affect he had on him. The desire. The need. The other night was now completely forgotten and he could only think of one thing; **KILL**.  
  
  



	4. Feed the Beast

"I don't get et!" Vince exclaimed in a heightened state as he downed his sixth flirtini of the evening while Leroy sat opposite at the dimly lit table.

  
"I've tried everthin Leroy! He was well into it! He couldn't take his tiny eyes off of me!" This is how they had spent the last hour of the opening night. Men and women alike had crowded around for a chance to talk to Vince. Despite Leroy's urging and the adoring Camden trendies, he had chosen to spend the night drinking his sorrow away at the bar and finally a corner table. 

  
"Vince, mate, I don't think Howard is in to you. Don't you think if he was a bender he would have been all over you? I mean, everyone here wants a piece of you but he turns his nose up?" Leroy replied, taking a swig of his own beverage

  
Vince ran his hands through his hair back and forth in frustration

  
"He was! I didn't even have to try to flirt this time! He just couldn't quit staring and let me get up close and everything! 'E just..freaked out like typical Howard and told me to bugger off."

  
"I just think if he did feel the same you would have known by now. I mean, you haven't been exactly coy. There's no way he is that blind Vince. You doll up in what "Howard likes" you in and spend every moment up his arse." Leroy finished with a playful grin trying to lighten the mood but to no avail as Vince remained looking like a sailors widow.  
"Besides, I know you like him Vince, but he's a bit weird innit he?" Leroy continued, finishing his drink

  
"Is it the jazz?" Vince asked as though that was a serious offense 

  
"What? No you plonker not jazz! You know I don't have a problem with em, its just, something else, something off. The way he stares at you when you ain't looking, or how jealous he used to get of you going out with friends..just something.." Leroy said honestly. He had always been somewhat uncomfortable around the jazz maverick but could never quite put his finger on it, but certainly not because he took Howard's blue trousers

  
"Exactly! He's always lookin at me when he thinks I don't see! Makin me little cakes..tucking me.." Vince tried to go on but Leroy just rolled his eyes and grabbed Vinces' arm

  
"This sounds well creepy Vince. Enough about Howard" He said he pulled Vince up from his chair

  
"Get stuffed..where we goin?" 

  
"To the bar for another drink and then you are going to forget about Howard!" 

  
Vince conceded but it wasn't that simple, not for him. Howard was the awkward, jazzy, man of his dreams, but thats all it would ever be it seemed. Just a dream.

 

   
Howard had gone out on the hunt to find a Vince substitute but seemed all the usual types had passed on the typical hunting ground and had made their way to The Silk Radish for the opening night. Of course he sighed to himself. He had no choice. All he could think, all he could smell, all he could feel, was the need to satisfy the lust within. Vince had awoken his darkness and if he did not feed the beast he feared he would act on his desire for his friend. The idea alone of the wicked deed made him hard.

  
He would be quick. Be smart. Vince would be busy on the dance floor or at the bar with everyone in London trying to take him home. He wouldn't be coming out any time soon.   
He lit up a smoke and made his way down the alley of the building. Music pumping from behind the walls as he crept silently down the bricks towards the back door. He would wait for a drunken victim to slip out for a piss and make his move. 

  
Howard busied himself with the image of Vince from this evening, in all his beauty, so close, so unknowingly eager for what Howard had to offer him. But why had he been so willing to stay home with him? He was used to his friend always being close and making slight touches, but this seemed..different. There was no way Howard mused to himself. Vince could have anyone he wanted, certainly not his jazz enthusiast and serial killing flatmate. Vince could never want someone like him. Not if he knew.

  
He was finishing his second smoke when he heard drunken laughter and goodbyes being called out, and then the stumbling of feet down the alley.

He tossed his smoke to the ground and observed a young looking man headed towards him. Jackpot. Not only was he alone, having called his goodbyes to friends on the street, but he was like a younger Vince with blonde and brown highlights and a pale face. 

  
The kid stopped by the dumpster before reaching Howard and turned to face the wall. Too much to drink. 

  
Howard silent walked up from behind, blade drawn, and before the trendy could even realize what was happening, Howard had the knife to his neck

  
"Scream, and I'll cut your throat open. Don't want that, do you sir?" Howard growled into his ear as he pressed his weight onto the man and pushed him into the wall, palms flat on the bricks.

  
"What the fuck mate?!" He slurred half drunk, half terrified

  
"Look..I 'ave cash in me wallet..just.."

  
"I don't want your money. Just be a good lad and be quiet" Howard replied, already hard as a rock as his free hand undid his belt and zip

.   
"Fuck mate..please..just take the cash.." he was silenced quickly as Howard pressed the blade harder into his neck

  
"I can kill you and do this anyway if you'd prefer" Howard said, removing himself from his pants

  
The man stayed silent, save the beginnings of tears as he prepared for what was about to happen, while Howard slicked himself up with a generous amount of spit.   
He lined himself up, careful not to lose grip on the knife and give false hope to the soon to be dead man. 

  
"I love it when they cry..do you think he will cry the day I do this to him?" Howard whispered as he leaned in close to the young man and brutally forced himself inside with a hiss.

The man had to fight not to scream in pain as Howard let loose his desire and began to pound into his hole without mercy, tears streaming down his face

  
"Will he? Will he cry when I finally..fuck..him..like..this!" Howard growled, still fucking at a painful pace, while imagining it was Vince he had against the wall. 

  
"Fuck...Vince..cry for me..cry for me..little man.."

  
"Vince..Noir?" The man managed to whimper in place of a scream while blood began to drip down his legs from the brutality of the situation.

  
Yes. Vince Noir. His perfect Vince. Fuck he could feel it coming. The way the man whimpered, the heat around his cock, the dream of raven hair on a pale face. There it was.

   
He finished with a bang as he slide the blade across the mans neck and listened to the beautiful sound of anguish as his victim slumped down against the wall in all his shame.

  
If it felt this good to fuck and torment this cheap knock off, Howard could only imagine the unearthly rapture of fucking Vince into oblivion. No need to get worked up again he thought as he tucked himself back into his pants and began to walk back towards the street. There were still a few late passersby so he stayed in the shadows, leaning against the wall, waiting for an empty street to head back to the flat. 


	5. Getting Careless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really just filler but I know where it's going! Stick with me!

It wasn't as into the AM as usual for the pair, but Leroy decided it was time to get Vince out of the club. He had spent the majority of the evening drinking and sulking over his school girl crush on Howard. The remainder of the night was still spent drinking but with dancing and an attempted fight. First Lance Dior had showed up in the same outfit and then some bloke had gotten mad at Vince talking to his girlfriend about her fabulous dress. Vince was in no mood and not having it. Leroy had put himself in the middle before Vince could start swinging. He tried to explain that Vince just liked her dress only for them to both be called queers. Vince drunkenly cursed the man the whole way from the floor, stumbling left and right in his platforms, holding onto Leroy as he continued to threaten to unleash the cockney bitch. No way he was getting him out the front with the crowd. He instead dragged his friend to the back where less people gathered. 

  
"I..I couldda 'ad 'em Leroy! I don't need you...swoopin in like some satsuma.." Vince slurred

  
"Yeah awright, you will get him next time" Leroy sighed and shuffled them both through the back door into the damp alley.

  
"Why we back 'ere? You..you..the trendy ripper or somethin?" 

  
"Yeah Vince, all part of my plan to.." Leroy stopped walked and squinted at the figure who stood leaned against the alley at the other end

  
"Is that Howard?" Leroy asked surprised

  
Vince looked up, still holding onto to his friend for support

  
"As if Oward would be here! Wot you on a.." But then Vince saw the figure too

  
"Bloody hell! Oward!" Vince called, removing himself from Leroy

  
Howard's reverie was broken by the unmistakable voice of his friend. Shit. He couldn't run. Shit shit shit shit. The body of a club goer was next to the dumpster. This was not good, no sir.

  
"Hey Oward!" Vince could not help but smile and began to move towards him, all thought of the earlier fight forgotten

  
"Vince Hey!" He called back, walking at a quick pace towards the electro, hoping to beat him from walking past the dumpster. Too late.

  
"Vince careful mate!" Leroy called as Vince was still stumbling from his drinks

  
"Howard wot you...fuck!" Vince did not finish his question as his foot caught something and he went tumbling down onto the concrete

  
Leroy and Howard both went for the electro, Leroy beating Howard to his aid. He would have Leroy in the same spot as that corpse Howard thought angrily as Leroy grabbed onto Vince to help him up

  
"These are white pants! These stains will never come out! I can't.." he stopped as he realized what he had tripped over. It was a pair of legs with pants half way down leading to a bloody torso. 

  
He jumped up from his knees and into Howards arms, turning to look back at the site. 

  
Howard wrapped his arms around Vince's waist, his eyes wide with "shock" as they both look on the gruesome site

  
Leroy stood with eyes wide at the dead man, recognizing him from the club scene. He was one of Vinces followers, or copycats, as Vince referred. 

  
"Vince, that's Eli..I saw him at the bar just earlier.." Leroy said still in disbelief

  
"Fuck..I'm.." Vince tried to say before he broke away from Howard and stumbled to the other side to throw up the nights drinks

  
"This is a shocker, yes sir" Howard cleared his throat, adjusting his collar, eyes still surveying the scene 

  
"We need to call the authorities. Whoever did this couldn't have gotten far..wait.." Leroy had his mobile in hand ready to dial when he stopped and looked up at Howard  
"Howard..why were you in the alley?" Leroy couldn't help but ask. Howard never came to clubs. He hated the club scene. The music, the people, the drinks, everything. He got to hear ALL about it from Vince who would complain of Howard never coming out with him. Why was Howard just waiting around the alley at 2am? That "something off" he mentioned earlier was in full force

  
Howard pointed to himself "Me? Why was I in the alley?" He questioned in typical Howard fashion

  
"Yeah you ain't ever out this late, or go round the clubs" Leroy said suspiciously 

  
"Ah yes well I can explain that. I was feeling the bee bop, in the jazz trance zone, chicka chicka ah" gesturing with his hands, everyone ignoring the fact there was a man dead next to them with blood pooling in the alley

  
"when I got a call from Lester, seems he got stuck in a closet while searching for a dart gun, he's a very avid dart gun enthusiast." Leroy just stared on, confused that a blind man would take up such a sport, while Vince, who had rejoined the two after wiping away the sick, just nodded in agreement as though it was an obvious hobby for the man

  
"So I was making my way over when he called again to say forget it. Turns out, he was trapped in his garden shed." He finished with the same expression he would have if telling that old chestnut about the pencil case

  
Vince just rolled his eyes, the evening events sobering him up as he placed his hands on his hips

  
"Well thats electric for Lester, but how'd you end up 'ere?" His cockney was always more prominent after a few drinks

  
"Right well I was on my way back and thought it might be dangerous so I just wanted to make sure you got in ok"

  
"Wot? You going to jazz the nutter to death when you see em? Vince said with that mischievous look while Leroy tried to wrap his head around the situation that only he seemed to be taking seriously

  
"How dare you sir, I am a man of action. I know wing chun" Howard defended, standing proudly

  
"You only had one lesson! Weren't even enough to take on an old mountain man you twit!" Howard would have loved to let Vince know when he did to that mountain man when he snuck back to that cabin after the Yeti incident. He had made a big mistake trying to bum the electro

  
"Right I hate to break this up but we need to call the authorities" Leroy cut in, already dialed and holding his phone to his ear. Howard was seething. Who did Leroy think he was meddling in his business? Calling the police and bringing attention to his presence here. This was not good. No sir.

  
"Yes sir, well you seem to have it under control, think Vince and I will just scoot" he motioned with his hand out of the alley and with his other grabbed the electro by the arm.

  
"What? We need to.." Leroy tried to say but Howard was already dragging Vince away

  
"Busy life of a shopkeeper Leroy..stocktaking..thumb tac organization..just send em round.." Howard called as they made it to the street and headed back to the flat

  
"Oward shouldn't we stay and.." Vince trying to keep pace with the taller mans stride

  
"Need to get you home little man, deal with it tomorrow" Howard said without even looking at Vince, trying to sort out what he was going to do about this situation. He had always been so careful, he had never been caught at the scene. Never. He was careless tonight. His cravings were getting the better of him. He had to sort this out. Somehow. 


End file.
